UK to Bush: 'Shutupshutupshutup....!'

You know those unpleasant guys at the bar who drink just enough to get belligerent but not enough to get over their essential cowardice? "Are you going to take that from him?" They leer as they prod those even drunker into sweaty scuffles for their amusement. "Let's you and him fight!"

But Britain's delicate diplomatic efforts were set back by U.S. President George W. Bush, who made a statement Saturday in which he characterized the imprisoned sailors as “hostages” — a phrase that Britain has been carefully avoiding to prevent the crisis from becoming a broader political or military conflict.

“The British hostages issue is a serious issue because the Iranians took these people out of Iraqi waters, and it's inexcusable behaviour,” Mr. Bush said in response to a reporter's question during a press conference at the Camp David retreat.

He had reportedly promised not to raise the issue of the sailors, as British officials worry that the entry of the United States into this crisis could cause it to escalate into an irreconcilable confrontation.

Britain's government is carefully and with some success trying to deal with a melange of competing interests in the Iranian state, some like the Revolutionary Guards who seemingly would like to spark a conflict over this mess, others including the supreme religious hierarchy seemingly trying to avoid one.

Bush is on the edge of this huge crowd of government ministers, diplomats and negotiators shouting "Kick his Ass! Kick his ASS!"